just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
