Tell her she can't have a vagina
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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