Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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