i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
