i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
