i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize