I cannot find my penis.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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