I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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