did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
