normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
