We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
