Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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