I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
