the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
