I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Umm I'm too high to move.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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