I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
