Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
