I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
