You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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