Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
