Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
