Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize