tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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