if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
