Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
