He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
