I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
