Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
