Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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