Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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