She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
