I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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