I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
