I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
