did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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