There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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