Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
