There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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