some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
