I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
