I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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