I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
