I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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