Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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