I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
