The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize