Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize