been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
