Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
