Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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