the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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