I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
