Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
