How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
