do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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