All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
