Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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