And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
