Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
