You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
