I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
