In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
