he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Randomize
