R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
