So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
