I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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