So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He kissed a someone with a penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
