Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
