So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
