you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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