Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
