im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
