We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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