It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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