I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
